Today my devotional reading took me to some amazing scriptures that I just had to share with you! I have been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study the past few weeks. Today's homework led me to Romans 8:38-39. I read it from the New Living Translation and it spoke volumes to me today. Let me read it to you...
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today, nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the power of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below - indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
The assignment was to replace the fears of Paul with my own fears so that I could confront them and also discover the truth that not even these fears which bind me can keep me from the unfailing Love of God. I have been so bound up by fear this week. With the bleeding during the pregnancy and not having a good OB/GYN and all the other things going on with this pregnancy and my history of miscarriage, I have been so fearful of loosing this child. I have prayed daily for her protection and health out of fear of loosing another child. But it wasn't just fear of loosing her... all my other fears were wrapped up in the birth of this child. The fear that I will never be a good mother... the fear that we will never be able to go to Indonesia and minister effectively... the fear that I am not as much a woman of God if I am not a mother... the list goes on and on...
Yesterday I spent the day with my dear friend Pearcia. This awesome woman of faith is such a blessing to me because she is not afraid to speak truth into my life even when it is uncomfortable. She brought these fears to my attention and told me very plainly that the enemy will only be able to take my child if I let him through my fears. I was beginning to understand a new part of God... that trusting Him means believing that He knows what is best for me and that His ways are higher than my ways. That his love is bigger than my love and His purposes for His children are beyond my understanding. That worrying cannot add one day to my life. This knowledge did not help me to overcome fear in one day, but it helped me to see God's goodness at the end of the long night...
Last night after two days of heavy bleeding and unbearable pain, we went to the emergency room. I knew that I was loosing the baby and there was absolutely nothing I could do but trust that God would get me through the night. As the doctor performed the D&C, peace and a huge sense of relief washed over me. I would no longer have to worry about this little one because she is in the arms of my loving Father God. She is not having to suffer in this world any longer. All my fears of not being able to survive another miscarriage collided with the truth that God is faithful and loving and stronger than any sadness or pain.
"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate me from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither grieving nor rejoicing, neither friends nor enemies, neither worries nor contentment, neither riches nor poverty, neither success nor failure will ever be able to separate me from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus my Lord."
As the pain slipped away and sleep came I was able to rest in a peace I have not felt for months. And this morning as I read today's devotional and did the Bible Study homework, God's gentle promises and faithfulness greeted me. My fears were confronted and I was overwhelmed with His love.
Only in death can there be life. This is the beauty and paradox of the Gospel. But it is good news. The promises of God bring new life. This word comes from Isaiah 55:10-11, again from the NLT.
"The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it."
Last night I received a fresh brokenness and burden for the lost of Indonesia. I now see that my purpose is not wrapped up in motherhood or even any performance in ministry. God's love for me is unconditional and unfailing. And nothing in all creation can ever separate me from that love. AMEN!
05 December 2009
24 November 2009
baby pictures
Quick update. All is going well with the pregnancy so far. We had ultrasound pictures today at CareNet pregnancy center. I am going to try to add the pictures to the blog but bear with me as Matthew's technical support is unavailable as I post this. We are about 6 weeks along and were able to find the heart beating at 120 beats per minute. Praise the Lord!
More updates to come as our Indonesia plans come together even more and the baby gets bigger and stronger. Thank you for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy.
More updates to come as our Indonesia plans come together even more and the baby gets bigger and stronger. Thank you for your continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy.
13 November 2009
The New Journey Begins
Okay, so for those of you that don't know already, we are pregnant once again! Praise the Lord! We are still seeking to understand His timing, but are cherishing every moment of this little one's life. We are at about 5 weeks and have had a few scares with progesterone levels and bleeding, but we have crossed over those hurdles for now and are just taking each day one at a time. We are in constant prayer that this little one will be healthy and full term and that we will have a healthy pregnancy. We request for your prayers for us as we seek qualified and communicative physicians to care for us during this time. We also are seeking God's wisdom for the timing of our vision trip to Indonesia. We are hoping to be able to travel during our second trimester (February). Please pray that we are able to get all of the details necessary together before then and that we would be one as we make decisions in this regard. Thank you for your prayers.
Blessings!
Blessings!
14 October 2009
A few words of encouragement... it's the little things...
The Lord will accomplish that which He has promised
and that which He has called me to will be done by Him.
"Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blamless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.
God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you." Psalm 37:5
and that which He has called me to will be done by Him.
"Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blamless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.
God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful."
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you." Psalm 37:5
02 October 2009
It has begun
For those of you who have labored through the last blogs ... this promises to be rather short. :)
We have come to the decision that it is time to stop talking and start walking and so we are moving forward at last! This month we are selling everything we own in order to live simpler and begin our preparations for the mission field. We will be moving into a furnished room in my grandmother's house while we complete our time of preparation. We are still praying about the time frame for this, but are looking at possibly going on a short vision trip in the next six months and then returning for at least another six months while we raise financial support and make decisions on where we will serve.
This next few months will be filled with transition as we move out of our beautiful three bedroom home into small and shared living space. While we are seeking God for the details of this upcoming vision trip, we will be preparing our spirits, minds, hearts and bodies for the mission field. Please pray for us as we make decisions and begin planning for this trip. Pray with us for health, relationships (my aunt and uncle also live at grandma's house and are not believers), protection over our marriage, finances, and language study. Please pray for unity as well as smoothness of this transition as we sell our belongings and change our way of living. Also, our dog will be moving in with my mom. Pray that he does well with this transition and that my mother's landlord will be compassionate and understanding of the situation. If she is not, we will have to find another home for our dog and this will not be a simple task for me emotionally...
I know that this summary is brief and that you will have many questions. Please feel free to ask so we can explain our hearts more clearly and you can partner with us better. There will be lots of time to meet with you before we leave and we hope that we will have the opportunity to pray with you before our adventure begins.
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement that has brought us to this place. We envy their continued presence as we venture forth into this new leg of the journey!
We have come to the decision that it is time to stop talking and start walking and so we are moving forward at last! This month we are selling everything we own in order to live simpler and begin our preparations for the mission field. We will be moving into a furnished room in my grandmother's house while we complete our time of preparation. We are still praying about the time frame for this, but are looking at possibly going on a short vision trip in the next six months and then returning for at least another six months while we raise financial support and make decisions on where we will serve.
This next few months will be filled with transition as we move out of our beautiful three bedroom home into small and shared living space. While we are seeking God for the details of this upcoming vision trip, we will be preparing our spirits, minds, hearts and bodies for the mission field. Please pray for us as we make decisions and begin planning for this trip. Pray with us for health, relationships (my aunt and uncle also live at grandma's house and are not believers), protection over our marriage, finances, and language study. Please pray for unity as well as smoothness of this transition as we sell our belongings and change our way of living. Also, our dog will be moving in with my mom. Pray that he does well with this transition and that my mother's landlord will be compassionate and understanding of the situation. If she is not, we will have to find another home for our dog and this will not be a simple task for me emotionally...
I know that this summary is brief and that you will have many questions. Please feel free to ask so we can explain our hearts more clearly and you can partner with us better. There will be lots of time to meet with you before we leave and we hope that we will have the opportunity to pray with you before our adventure begins.
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement that has brought us to this place. We envy their continued presence as we venture forth into this new leg of the journey!
15 September 2009
He will do it!
Okay, so, my homework assignment this week is to do a word study on trust... this is the verse that keeps coming to mind... over and over and over again... it doesn't say the word trust, but that is what it is all about... Trusting that God is big enough. That he is faithful. That we won't forget his promises.
So, now I am listening to "Your love is everything" on the album We Cry out by JesusCulture.
1 Thessalonians 5:23-25 (New International Version)
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
purpose
[warning: the following promises to be a long entry]
Am I living out the call of God on my life today or am I just wandering aimlessly without purpose?
This is the question that nags at me every morning, afternoon, evening. It seems to comsume me with its constant presence. It overwhelms me at times and at others it comforts and guides me. Today, it frustrates me.
Matthew and I have been praying for ... well... not quite forever... but all of our life together what exactly is our purpose - our mission - as a married couple. What is our reason for existance on this earth? Two weeks ago God began to speak into us an answer to that question.
It was Sunday morning. I woke up to a clear word from the Lord. A "nudge" as some might call it. We have become in the habit most recently of getting to church early so we can join the prayer team. It helps to center us on God as we shed our worrisome week and pray for our church community. We also have enjoyed walking alongside the people in this group and are encouraged by meeting with them. However, this particular Sunday the nudge was to go to Matthew's parents' church in Anderson. This is not unusual for us since Matthew grew up in this church and we enjoy the love and prayers that this family still extends to us at each visit. I am particularly drawn to this group of people because they have sent out some friends of ours to Indonesia over the years and they have a heart for this island nation.
So, needless to say, it was not difficult for us to accept the nudge as a word from the Lord and we attended the service. We had no idea how significant our attendance nor how ordained it would be. (But, looking back... I should have known it would be just for us since the short term team they had sent to Indonesia had returned the following week!) I could go on for days about all that God spoke to Matthew and I in that service... but I will instead just highlight the significant points.
The church's mission statement was written on a banner hanging on the wall in the sanctuary. It stirred something deep within both of us and we knew it was the Lord speaking clearly over us His purpose for our lives. We have adopted it as our own mission statement (with a few adjustments) "Inspiring among all peoples an overflowing joy, [hope and freedom] in God through Jesus Christ." I know that God will continue to shape this statement and our callings, but we are so excited to have a place to start.
Through the message we felt a strong conviction to repent - to turn and change our direction. We have been striving to live in the comfort of the American dream. Most of this has been subconscious... but it is still present. This is not bad, but it is not the life we have been called to, so we have repented and are pursuing God and asking Him what it means to walk on the right path toward what He has called us to.
Nate spoke a message at the Stirring a few weeks ago about legacy. The question was asked (my paraphrase) is your journey in life headed in the direction that it needs to in order to have the legacy you desire? I would have to say that, at this moment, it is headed in the opposite direction. So, we are now asking questions and seeking God to discover ways that we can turn around in our lives and run the race that He has called us.
So, what does this look like? Well... we know that we want to go to Indonesia for a few weeks on a vision trip within the next 6 - 12 months. We also know that we need to get rid of stuff and lighten our load so that we can be ready to go whenever He calls us. We also know that children are part of this call and legacy, so we have decided to start trying again. This also means working on becoming healthier physically, spiritually and emotionally so that we can accomplish all that God has called us to without the hinderences that we currently have in our bodies (tiredness, weakness, depression, anxiety, etc.) So, we are looking to lighten our load of stuff (yard sales!) and financially that means changing our living situation. We are looking to either have some roommates to help pay rent or else move in with family/friends and rent a room.
I know that in all these things that we do not step forward on our own. God has called us and he is faithful - he will do it. He will accomplish His will in and through us in His perfect timing and ways. But we also want to be obedient to the call and ready with hearts and minds open and bodies prepared to take on the challenges and joys to come.
So.. you faithful who have read this long entry... I ask something else... that you would pray for us as we seek God's wisdom and guidance for this new part of our journey. I also ask that you pray to ask God what your part in this will be. Will you commit to stand in the gap and intercede for us? Will you commit to stand by us as friends to encourage and rebuke when necessary? Will you commit to support us financially as we move into a new season of missions work? Will you commit to stay and support our families as we embark on a new adventure across the globe and leave our loved ones behind? Whatever your part in this journey with us is, we are glad and thankful for your presence. We thank God for your faithfulness and friendship and look forward to continuing this journey with you.
Am I living out the call of God on my life today or am I just wandering aimlessly without purpose?
This is the question that nags at me every morning, afternoon, evening. It seems to comsume me with its constant presence. It overwhelms me at times and at others it comforts and guides me. Today, it frustrates me.
Matthew and I have been praying for ... well... not quite forever... but all of our life together what exactly is our purpose - our mission - as a married couple. What is our reason for existance on this earth? Two weeks ago God began to speak into us an answer to that question.
It was Sunday morning. I woke up to a clear word from the Lord. A "nudge" as some might call it. We have become in the habit most recently of getting to church early so we can join the prayer team. It helps to center us on God as we shed our worrisome week and pray for our church community. We also have enjoyed walking alongside the people in this group and are encouraged by meeting with them. However, this particular Sunday the nudge was to go to Matthew's parents' church in Anderson. This is not unusual for us since Matthew grew up in this church and we enjoy the love and prayers that this family still extends to us at each visit. I am particularly drawn to this group of people because they have sent out some friends of ours to Indonesia over the years and they have a heart for this island nation.
So, needless to say, it was not difficult for us to accept the nudge as a word from the Lord and we attended the service. We had no idea how significant our attendance nor how ordained it would be. (But, looking back... I should have known it would be just for us since the short term team they had sent to Indonesia had returned the following week!) I could go on for days about all that God spoke to Matthew and I in that service... but I will instead just highlight the significant points.
The church's mission statement was written on a banner hanging on the wall in the sanctuary. It stirred something deep within both of us and we knew it was the Lord speaking clearly over us His purpose for our lives. We have adopted it as our own mission statement (with a few adjustments) "Inspiring among all peoples an overflowing joy, [hope and freedom] in God through Jesus Christ." I know that God will continue to shape this statement and our callings, but we are so excited to have a place to start.
Through the message we felt a strong conviction to repent - to turn and change our direction. We have been striving to live in the comfort of the American dream. Most of this has been subconscious... but it is still present. This is not bad, but it is not the life we have been called to, so we have repented and are pursuing God and asking Him what it means to walk on the right path toward what He has called us to.
Nate spoke a message at the Stirring a few weeks ago about legacy. The question was asked (my paraphrase) is your journey in life headed in the direction that it needs to in order to have the legacy you desire? I would have to say that, at this moment, it is headed in the opposite direction. So, we are now asking questions and seeking God to discover ways that we can turn around in our lives and run the race that He has called us.
So, what does this look like? Well... we know that we want to go to Indonesia for a few weeks on a vision trip within the next 6 - 12 months. We also know that we need to get rid of stuff and lighten our load so that we can be ready to go whenever He calls us. We also know that children are part of this call and legacy, so we have decided to start trying again. This also means working on becoming healthier physically, spiritually and emotionally so that we can accomplish all that God has called us to without the hinderences that we currently have in our bodies (tiredness, weakness, depression, anxiety, etc.) So, we are looking to lighten our load of stuff (yard sales!) and financially that means changing our living situation. We are looking to either have some roommates to help pay rent or else move in with family/friends and rent a room.
I know that in all these things that we do not step forward on our own. God has called us and he is faithful - he will do it. He will accomplish His will in and through us in His perfect timing and ways. But we also want to be obedient to the call and ready with hearts and minds open and bodies prepared to take on the challenges and joys to come.
So.. you faithful who have read this long entry... I ask something else... that you would pray for us as we seek God's wisdom and guidance for this new part of our journey. I also ask that you pray to ask God what your part in this will be. Will you commit to stand in the gap and intercede for us? Will you commit to stand by us as friends to encourage and rebuke when necessary? Will you commit to support us financially as we move into a new season of missions work? Will you commit to stay and support our families as we embark on a new adventure across the globe and leave our loved ones behind? Whatever your part in this journey with us is, we are glad and thankful for your presence. We thank God for your faithfulness and friendship and look forward to continuing this journey with you.
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