We have been officially accepted to attend the Candidate Orientation Program with Pioneers in January! That means we need to raise about $1600 in about 16 days and we need your help!
If just 100 of our friends donate $16 each we will reach our goal. If we don't reach this goal in the next 16 days, though, we will have to wait until April to go to the Orientation Program.
Thank you so much for your support.
The easiest way to give is by clicking the donate button to the left under our picture. This will take you to a secure site where you can donate through a PayPal account or credit card. You can always contact us via email if you have any questions or want to support another way.
We are also trying to sell our Dodge Caliber to raise money for this trip, so if you or a friend are looking for a used vehicle, send us a not right away!
We need prayer for physical strength as we complete last minute paperwork and assignments and finish up our regular work before we go. Pray for quality rest when we have little in quantity and understanding between each other as nerves are frayed with the last minute planning.
Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. We are so blessed by your friendship and are looking forward to sharing with you in these next few weeks as we see what God does!
Merry Christmas.
~ Matthew and Erica Parsons
21 December 2010
04 December 2010
A Hope for the Waiting
Last Sunday our friend and one of the pastors of our ever growing church family spoke a moving message to begin this advent season about the meaning of Christmas. It was an awesome message and a perfect reminder of why we celebrate this season. He talked about how so often we miss the big picture of Christmas because we skip to the story in Luke of Jesus' birth. We miss out on the whole story that begins in Genesis... a story of brokenness, a promise of restoration, and a waiting and a hope.
There is a season in our lives called "Waiting." In this season we wrestle with who we are and why we are on the earth. We may be suffering from the loss of a loved one, or loneliness, or illness, or uncertainty. We are waiting for God to come through and rescue us from our brokenness in whatever form it has taken.
Christmas is a season to remember that it's okay to wait and we are not alone. Christmas is the time when we remember that we have a Great Hope because we trust in a God who is Faithful and keeps His promises. And we have the opportunity to share the true meaning of Christmas: that Christ came to bring light into the darkness. This Christmas we have a new hope. A hope and a reminder that God does keep His promises. He is faithful.
Seven years ago I found myself on a boat in Indonesia crying my heart out to God in prayer. I had fallen in love with a people and a nation and I didn't want to leave because for the first time in my life I felt at home and I saw a great need for a people to know the Love and Grace of Jesus. Through my tears, I heard His gentle, strong voice speak a promise to my heart: you will return to Indonesia and you will not be alone. I returned the next year with an amazing group of people and again I felt a peace knowing that I would return to this place that I called home and the people that I had come to love as my family.
Now, five years after that last trip, my husband and I are pursuing a relationship with a missions organization to see if we are cut out for long term missionary service in Indonesia. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness, His perfect timing, and the lessons we have learned in the Waiting. He has strengthened us, matured us, prepared us and now we are being sent out... just as He promised.
There is still some preparation left. We are not leaving for Indonesia tomorrow, but we have taken a large leap in that direction and we feel that at last the timing is right for us to go.
The organization that we have chosen (or maybe chose us?) has a simple but effective process for their candidates. First, we must complete the formal application including obtaining 6 general references and a pastoral reference for each of us and a psychological examination to determine if we really are crazy enough to be missionaries. :)
Then we will fly to Florida for a week long orientation where we will decide if this is the right organization for us and if we are the right couple for the organization. During that week, they will also provide us with invaluable training and support as well as show us all of the projects they are involved with around the world to help us focus our vision. Our goal is to attend this orientation week in January.
From there, we will contact the teams we feel God may be leading us to serve with and find a time that is most convenient for us to come and work with them. Then we will work hard to save money and raise support to go on what is known as a "survey trip." This will be about a three month trip where we will be able to get a better picture of what day to day life in Indonesia is like and if we are compatible with the existing teams. Then the team leaders will work with us to decide if we are the right family to join their team long term. Then we would return to the States to settle any affairs and raise more support before going long term to the region that we have seen God lead us to.
We would love your comments, encouragement, prayers and support as we press on towards these goals. There are many ways that you can partner with us in this stage of the journey and we would love to talk with you about those opportunities and visit with you about how we can partner together to accomplish the Great Commission.
Some of our more urgent prayer requests are :
financial: to pay for the trip to Florida
health: energy for both of us and clarity/diagnosis/better treatment for our issues
spiritual: that we would be on the same page and connected to each other and God despite the busyness of this next month of preparation and holidays.
physical: as the end of the year approaches, many things are up in the air like where we are going to live and work come January especially without knowing our time-frame after the orientation, storage or sale of "stuff" (vehicle(s), furniture, pictures and keepsakes, etc)
There is a season in our lives called "Waiting." In this season we wrestle with who we are and why we are on the earth. We may be suffering from the loss of a loved one, or loneliness, or illness, or uncertainty. We are waiting for God to come through and rescue us from our brokenness in whatever form it has taken.
Christmas is a season to remember that it's okay to wait and we are not alone. Christmas is the time when we remember that we have a Great Hope because we trust in a God who is Faithful and keeps His promises. And we have the opportunity to share the true meaning of Christmas: that Christ came to bring light into the darkness. This Christmas we have a new hope. A hope and a reminder that God does keep His promises. He is faithful.
Seven years ago I found myself on a boat in Indonesia crying my heart out to God in prayer. I had fallen in love with a people and a nation and I didn't want to leave because for the first time in my life I felt at home and I saw a great need for a people to know the Love and Grace of Jesus. Through my tears, I heard His gentle, strong voice speak a promise to my heart: you will return to Indonesia and you will not be alone. I returned the next year with an amazing group of people and again I felt a peace knowing that I would return to this place that I called home and the people that I had come to love as my family.
Now, five years after that last trip, my husband and I are pursuing a relationship with a missions organization to see if we are cut out for long term missionary service in Indonesia. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness, His perfect timing, and the lessons we have learned in the Waiting. He has strengthened us, matured us, prepared us and now we are being sent out... just as He promised.
There is still some preparation left. We are not leaving for Indonesia tomorrow, but we have taken a large leap in that direction and we feel that at last the timing is right for us to go.
The organization that we have chosen (or maybe chose us?) has a simple but effective process for their candidates. First, we must complete the formal application including obtaining 6 general references and a pastoral reference for each of us and a psychological examination to determine if we really are crazy enough to be missionaries. :)
Then we will fly to Florida for a week long orientation where we will decide if this is the right organization for us and if we are the right couple for the organization. During that week, they will also provide us with invaluable training and support as well as show us all of the projects they are involved with around the world to help us focus our vision. Our goal is to attend this orientation week in January.
From there, we will contact the teams we feel God may be leading us to serve with and find a time that is most convenient for us to come and work with them. Then we will work hard to save money and raise support to go on what is known as a "survey trip." This will be about a three month trip where we will be able to get a better picture of what day to day life in Indonesia is like and if we are compatible with the existing teams. Then the team leaders will work with us to decide if we are the right family to join their team long term. Then we would return to the States to settle any affairs and raise more support before going long term to the region that we have seen God lead us to.
We would love your comments, encouragement, prayers and support as we press on towards these goals. There are many ways that you can partner with us in this stage of the journey and we would love to talk with you about those opportunities and visit with you about how we can partner together to accomplish the Great Commission.
Some of our more urgent prayer requests are :
financial: to pay for the trip to Florida
health: energy for both of us and clarity/diagnosis/better treatment for our issues
spiritual: that we would be on the same page and connected to each other and God despite the busyness of this next month of preparation and holidays.
physical: as the end of the year approaches, many things are up in the air like where we are going to live and work come January especially without knowing our time-frame after the orientation, storage or sale of "stuff" (vehicle(s), furniture, pictures and keepsakes, etc)
17 November 2010
Your Love is Enough
How many times have I heard or said that phrase "Your Love, oh God is enough for me" ? This morning once again I received the same message but felt it move deeper into my heart.
My dear friend Tristen and I were talking last week during Life Group about the dreams that God gives us. The question came up : is it wrong to strive after the dreams God has given us? My immediate response was NO! How could it be wrong for us to follow and chase after the passions and dreams that God has put in our hearts? Of course, there is a time when we chase dreams instead of the Dream Giver and we have to re-orient our selves and our priorities. But I reassured my dear friend that it was good to go after those desires that God has given us. Of course I would say that... isn't that what this whole blog is about? Following the Dream?
But today God spoke in the overwhelming gentleness that is His Spirit and whispered into my heart "The only thing that matters is My Love. My love is enough to light up the darkness. It is all you have ever needed."
In this song, Brandon Heath sings about the Love of God:
"You're the hope in the morning, You're the light when the night is falling...You're the eyes to the blind man, You're the feet to the lame man walking... The only thing that matters is Your love."
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." 1 Corinthians 13:1
I can strive forever to follow after the dreams God has given me. Or I can trust in His Love and Faithfulness and trust His promises. See, going to Indonesia and leaving a legacy is not just a dream or a passion, it is a Promise. So I don't have to strive for it, just trust in God's promise and His timing and wait and go when He says go.
Now I hear him say "Now is the time, it's time to go." Am I ready? Do I trust Him to do what He has promised? Do I step out in faith and say yes, I will go, even when I cannot see the path ahead?
15 November 2010
Hope is springing up from this old ground
It has been too long since I have looked at this blog. Too long without an update, I know... but life has been so busy. It is hard to make myself sit for long enough to write down what has transpired these past few months... Unfortunately, my few minutes is all I have today, so it will be a short update with more details to come...
Since the last update, much has happened...
We have gotten pregnant.
We miscarried again.
I lost twenty pounds and gained back another ten.
I have had discouragement and hope presented to me on the same day.
I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease (a thyroid and autoimmune disease that explains every health problem I have faced in my entire life).
I have become an independent distributor for Premier Designs Jewelry.
I have shared many hours with friends and family as we have encouraged each other.
We have been presented with another opportunity to go to Indonesia this summer.
Right now I am working long days at three jobs while Matthew continues to work his 40 hour + job at Simpson. We are both completely spent physically and emotionally. Many days I feel as though this will be the last time I will be able to get up out of bed. Although we now know what is wrong with me, the cure is a very long process and my body has been so worn down by the disease, it will take months before I will start to feel better. So forgive me for not writing. When my day is done, all I long for is sleep.
Pray dear friends... Pray for supernatural strength for both of us. Pray for wisdom as we talk with leaders of our churches to determine if now is the time for our vision trip. We have waited so long, but financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically we are not ready. But I know what God can do in six months time and if this is our time, we will rise to the challenge and do whatever it takes to prepare ourselves for the coming trip. I have waited too long to let any opportunity slip by. I will give every last ounce of energy to follow this dream.
Since the last update, much has happened...
We have gotten pregnant.
We miscarried again.
I lost twenty pounds and gained back another ten.
I have had discouragement and hope presented to me on the same day.
I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease (a thyroid and autoimmune disease that explains every health problem I have faced in my entire life).
I have become an independent distributor for Premier Designs Jewelry.
I have shared many hours with friends and family as we have encouraged each other.
We have been presented with another opportunity to go to Indonesia this summer.
Right now I am working long days at three jobs while Matthew continues to work his 40 hour + job at Simpson. We are both completely spent physically and emotionally. Many days I feel as though this will be the last time I will be able to get up out of bed. Although we now know what is wrong with me, the cure is a very long process and my body has been so worn down by the disease, it will take months before I will start to feel better. So forgive me for not writing. When my day is done, all I long for is sleep.
Pray dear friends... Pray for supernatural strength for both of us. Pray for wisdom as we talk with leaders of our churches to determine if now is the time for our vision trip. We have waited so long, but financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically we are not ready. But I know what God can do in six months time and if this is our time, we will rise to the challenge and do whatever it takes to prepare ourselves for the coming trip. I have waited too long to let any opportunity slip by. I will give every last ounce of energy to follow this dream.
12 September 2010
09 July 2010
For Those Who Wait
The past few weeks have been life changing and completely insane.
As I write this, I am listening to the song by Fireflight called "For those who wait." It is a song that brings me great hope and peace in the midst of this depressing, stressful, and dangerous season. Yes, dangerous ... always remember that this life we are living is a battle and though the enemy tries to beat us down, we are not defeated. Christ is our strength and He will restore what has been stolen and broken.
The line in the song that keeps ringing in my ears and has been getting me through this week is: "when you are fighting to believe in a love you cannot see, just know there is a purpose for those who wait."
Though my soul is weary, He is with me. Though my eyes pour out tears, He is my comfort. "The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger, the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it."
It was Tuesday night, June 22nd. The day had been long. The war in my mind exhausting. The migraine had been continuous for the past seven days. I knew what must be done to bring freedom, but my spirit was so weary and my body was so weighted, I could do or say nothing. But despite my exhaustion and all that told me to stay home, I was not going to loose this battle. I knew that if I could just get to life group I could get the prayer I needed to be free. I knew that my dear friend and pastor would see right through the lies of the enemy and I could be free from the bondage that had been holding me captive for longer than I could remember. So I said to my dear husband "I know you are tired, but we must go tonight." I felt like the woman with the bleeding disorder who knew if she could just reach out and touch the hem of his garment, that she would be healed. I was reaching and He met me there. Just as the woman was astonished that he would speak to her and how she wanted to run away and hide, Jesus called me out and set me free. He brought the deeper healing.
We were reading through Luke. This week was about casting the nets into the deep water. Luke 5:1-11. The question came: why should we cast out nets again ... we've been doing this all night long and caught nothing, but because You say so Lord, we will do it.
How many times have I asked for healing from migraines. How many times have we prayed and seen nothing. I did not have the strength to ask again but I did not have to. My friends held up my arms and interceded for me. They prayed and the pressure grew stronger. The pain became more intense. Then silence. Then the word "something must be released. do you know what it is?" I broke. Tears came. I shook my head. I thought "yes, I know, but I cannot speak it. I am not strong enough" But I felt their strength. The hedge of protection from those surrounding me. As I spoke, I felt the chains... and the pain... lift from my body. "Before I married my amazing husband, I was spiritually bound to another man. Although I have broken physical ties, I am still under the spiritual bondage of his influence." I told them I did not have the strength to do this on my own. With Matthew behind me and Nathan in front of me holding up my arms, we prayed and declared freedom and release from this man's influence in my life. The pain released immediately. After the prayer Nathan declared "It is finished. You laid this down here tonight and the chains are broken. It is finished!" He has known me long enough to know that the enemy would try to lie that it is not finished and try to beat me down through the lies. But in community and in God's presence, I find freedom and peace.
Since that day, I have only had one migraine. I knew that this was from the stress of what is going on with my family (a whole other story for another day). I prayed over the situation and went to the doctor to get relief and have not had a migraine since then. (For those who don't know my history... in summer time I usually have 2-3 migraines per week and this summer they have been almost daily.)
But the healing journey does not end there. On Friday of this same week, I met with a wonderful Indonesian woman who has moved to Redding with her family. My spirit was so encouraged and my homesickness was eased by her presence. She encouraged me to seek healing for the endometriosis that has caused me nearly constant and intense pain since November. She told me of the healing room at Bethel that is available on Saturday mornings. I could not say no.
After waiting in line for an hour, I finally was allowed into the healing room. There I stood in the front of the sanctuary while people all around me were prayed for and experienced healing. After another hour, I wondered if I was invisible. It was as if intercessors would look right through me to pray for someone else. But I could not move. How could I leave when this may be the day that God brings healing to my body and fulfill His promises. I went further forward with a large group (maybe 30 or 40 people) who had not yet received prayer. After 10-20 minutes of waiting and feeling invisible, I turned around to see that everyone who had gone forward with me was gone... they had all received prayer and I alone was standing waiting. But just then I saw Matthew had come into the room and was searching for me. (He had stayed home that morning to sleep after a long and trying week at work.) I started to walk toward him when the intercessor next to me grabbed my shoulder and said "wait. don't leave." He had been praying for a man next to me. I told him that I was going to get my husband so he could pray with me. The intercessor stopped praying for the man and looked in the direction of Matthew. At that point Matthew saw me and walked towards us. The intercessor said "I'll be right with you." And I told Matthew what I had experienced with feeling invisible. Then the intercessor brought another man to join us in prayer. He asked a few questions and then they began to pray. As soon as they spoke the word "endometriosis" I felt something leave my body. They prayed again and again each time I felt something exit my body. I did not feel the constant pain any longer. Hope was ignited in my heart. They then spoke words of encouragement over both of us. They prayed for Matthew and told him that he had the authority to protect his family from these spiritual attacks and the authority to ask for healing for me and him. They told me that I am a beautiful daughter of the King and they prayed that my eyes would be open to see myself the way God sees me. They told me that the only way that I would remain pain free is by taking the time every day to ask God what He thinks of me and to see what He sees.
I have had some pain since that day, but it has not been the constant nagging pain that I had experienced before. However, we have not yet become pregnant. This has been the greatest discouragement to me. If I am healed, why have we not conceived? The emotion has been too much for me. My days have been wrought with tears. As I work with the children in my home, my heart grows cold towards them. Jealousy. Pain. Longing. It is a help to hold the little one-year-old and to feel her love and to love her, but she is not my own.
The comfort came in the form of a song on the radio. "Just know there is a purpose for those who wait." Now the tears come more freely, but they are tears of healing. There is pain in the waiting, but I know that God has a perfect timing and a way that is beyond what I can see. So I wait. I do not know how long. Each day is a battle, but He is good. And I am reminded that " "The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger,the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it."
As I write this, I am listening to the song by Fireflight called "For those who wait." It is a song that brings me great hope and peace in the midst of this depressing, stressful, and dangerous season. Yes, dangerous ... always remember that this life we are living is a battle and though the enemy tries to beat us down, we are not defeated. Christ is our strength and He will restore what has been stolen and broken.
The line in the song that keeps ringing in my ears and has been getting me through this week is: "when you are fighting to believe in a love you cannot see, just know there is a purpose for those who wait."
Though my soul is weary, He is with me. Though my eyes pour out tears, He is my comfort. "The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger, the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it."
It was Tuesday night, June 22nd. The day had been long. The war in my mind exhausting. The migraine had been continuous for the past seven days. I knew what must be done to bring freedom, but my spirit was so weary and my body was so weighted, I could do or say nothing. But despite my exhaustion and all that told me to stay home, I was not going to loose this battle. I knew that if I could just get to life group I could get the prayer I needed to be free. I knew that my dear friend and pastor would see right through the lies of the enemy and I could be free from the bondage that had been holding me captive for longer than I could remember. So I said to my dear husband "I know you are tired, but we must go tonight." I felt like the woman with the bleeding disorder who knew if she could just reach out and touch the hem of his garment, that she would be healed. I was reaching and He met me there. Just as the woman was astonished that he would speak to her and how she wanted to run away and hide, Jesus called me out and set me free. He brought the deeper healing.
We were reading through Luke. This week was about casting the nets into the deep water. Luke 5:1-11. The question came: why should we cast out nets again ... we've been doing this all night long and caught nothing, but because You say so Lord, we will do it.
How many times have I asked for healing from migraines. How many times have we prayed and seen nothing. I did not have the strength to ask again but I did not have to. My friends held up my arms and interceded for me. They prayed and the pressure grew stronger. The pain became more intense. Then silence. Then the word "something must be released. do you know what it is?" I broke. Tears came. I shook my head. I thought "yes, I know, but I cannot speak it. I am not strong enough" But I felt their strength. The hedge of protection from those surrounding me. As I spoke, I felt the chains... and the pain... lift from my body. "Before I married my amazing husband, I was spiritually bound to another man. Although I have broken physical ties, I am still under the spiritual bondage of his influence." I told them I did not have the strength to do this on my own. With Matthew behind me and Nathan in front of me holding up my arms, we prayed and declared freedom and release from this man's influence in my life. The pain released immediately. After the prayer Nathan declared "It is finished. You laid this down here tonight and the chains are broken. It is finished!" He has known me long enough to know that the enemy would try to lie that it is not finished and try to beat me down through the lies. But in community and in God's presence, I find freedom and peace.
Since that day, I have only had one migraine. I knew that this was from the stress of what is going on with my family (a whole other story for another day). I prayed over the situation and went to the doctor to get relief and have not had a migraine since then. (For those who don't know my history... in summer time I usually have 2-3 migraines per week and this summer they have been almost daily.)
But the healing journey does not end there. On Friday of this same week, I met with a wonderful Indonesian woman who has moved to Redding with her family. My spirit was so encouraged and my homesickness was eased by her presence. She encouraged me to seek healing for the endometriosis that has caused me nearly constant and intense pain since November. She told me of the healing room at Bethel that is available on Saturday mornings. I could not say no.
After waiting in line for an hour, I finally was allowed into the healing room. There I stood in the front of the sanctuary while people all around me were prayed for and experienced healing. After another hour, I wondered if I was invisible. It was as if intercessors would look right through me to pray for someone else. But I could not move. How could I leave when this may be the day that God brings healing to my body and fulfill His promises. I went further forward with a large group (maybe 30 or 40 people) who had not yet received prayer. After 10-20 minutes of waiting and feeling invisible, I turned around to see that everyone who had gone forward with me was gone... they had all received prayer and I alone was standing waiting. But just then I saw Matthew had come into the room and was searching for me. (He had stayed home that morning to sleep after a long and trying week at work.) I started to walk toward him when the intercessor next to me grabbed my shoulder and said "wait. don't leave." He had been praying for a man next to me. I told him that I was going to get my husband so he could pray with me. The intercessor stopped praying for the man and looked in the direction of Matthew. At that point Matthew saw me and walked towards us. The intercessor said "I'll be right with you." And I told Matthew what I had experienced with feeling invisible. Then the intercessor brought another man to join us in prayer. He asked a few questions and then they began to pray. As soon as they spoke the word "endometriosis" I felt something leave my body. They prayed again and again each time I felt something exit my body. I did not feel the constant pain any longer. Hope was ignited in my heart. They then spoke words of encouragement over both of us. They prayed for Matthew and told him that he had the authority to protect his family from these spiritual attacks and the authority to ask for healing for me and him. They told me that I am a beautiful daughter of the King and they prayed that my eyes would be open to see myself the way God sees me. They told me that the only way that I would remain pain free is by taking the time every day to ask God what He thinks of me and to see what He sees.
I have had some pain since that day, but it has not been the constant nagging pain that I had experienced before. However, we have not yet become pregnant. This has been the greatest discouragement to me. If I am healed, why have we not conceived? The emotion has been too much for me. My days have been wrought with tears. As I work with the children in my home, my heart grows cold towards them. Jealousy. Pain. Longing. It is a help to hold the little one-year-old and to feel her love and to love her, but she is not my own.
The comfort came in the form of a song on the radio. "Just know there is a purpose for those who wait." Now the tears come more freely, but they are tears of healing. There is pain in the waiting, but I know that God has a perfect timing and a way that is beyond what I can see. So I wait. I do not know how long. Each day is a battle, but He is good. And I am reminded that " "The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger,the hard lessons make the difference and the difference makes it worth it."
01 June 2010
Saving Grace
We've all had those moments... I've had several of them in recent years... the ones where you finally understand something that you've known your whole life. Some people say it is the journey from knowing something in your head to knowing it in your heart. I guess this is true, but then there is a deeper knowing a more complete understanding that comes with time and age, and grace.
This was my experience this past Sunday. Let me give you the picture...
Matthew was away at the family camping trip at Ash Creek with his folks. Being the newlywed that I still am, I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. But something in me told me I needed to go to church that morning. At the time I just chalked it up to guilt for not being in church for a while. Yep, that's right... me, not being in church for a while. That's another story. But let's just say that I was bitter and frustrated with God, people, and most of all myself.
I was contemplating all this on the way to church. I came to a fuller realization of my own depravity... all the mistakes that I have made in my life... relationally, financially. How easily distracted I am when I pray. How I haven't been serving in the church in years. And as I was contemplating and praying, I got distracted by something and my mind rabbit-trailed. I said out loud in the car... "I think I must just be going crazy." And the Lord spoke to me in the midst of my depravity and insanity... "Your body and mind will fail, but I know your heart. Your heart is after me. I know you, and you know me. I will never fail you. I am bigger than all your mistakes and I am able to know your heart."
Now, I know all about grace. I've taught and preached on the subject. It keeps me going every day and inspires me to go overseas. Yet in all my years of knowing God and living in the church, I have never truly experienced forgiveness because I have never been able to fully embrace, accept, or even see my true depravity. As Jesus said "he who is forgiven much, loves much."
As I walked up the steps to the church, I felt burned. Each step was long and painful as I climbed up to the doors of the church. My soul was truly weary and I felt the weight of my sin and shame in a way I have never experienced before.
Not two minutes from the time I sat down in the sanctuary, the worship team began to sing about the Cross. I was overwhelmed. I began to sob uncontrollably. His grace washed over me. As I was sobbing, my body shaking, my spirit was transported to the throne room through a vision. Still shaking, I was collapsed at the feet of Jesus. There He was smiling, glorious on His throne... holding my son. He was older than the last vision I had of him... the one where Jesus said "I've got them, don't worry." Probably around a year old. (which is about right as he would be about 18 months if he had lived) my son reached out to me and Jesus handed him to me. Back at the Stirring, more overwhelmed by the grace of this moment. Despite my sin, my mistakes, my humanity, God's grace is sufficient. God's faithfulness to his promises exceeds my depravity.
Then the words came. Encouraging words. Directing words. Words of life. They came and they poured out and I journaled as fast as I could trying to capture each moment. But words are not enough... never enough for these moments. The words didn't stop until the end of the service when I left the building, and even then the transformation continued into the next day as I continued to contemplate the experience. Monday was a day of joy and freedom as the pressures of life were removed and the full realization of God's sovereignty and grace came to me.
The words: Moses, Joshua, David. This will be a long post, but bear with me... it will be worth it!
Sunday was an invitation into a new season of seeking God. Since I couldn't stay at the door of the temple (like Joshua), I've been avoiding it altogether, but it is time to come again and visit intentionally. The distractions are done, obligations finished, now it's time to return to the tabernacle and sit in God's presence.
I felt like Moses - I may be too old to enter the promised land, but I will see Indonesia turn to God before I die. Like David, it will be my son who builds the temple. I can prepare him and prepare everything he will need and train him. It is God's timing, God's plan.
The reminder: "There are things you can only hear from God in the secret place... Your life for God will never be greater than your secret life with God."
As EM Bounds said "God's man is made in the [prayer] closet. His most profound conviction is born out of the secret place."
The picture God gave to me was a larger picture. A picture of a legacy that I can leave to my children. If we prepare now for the next generation to lead revival, we can leave an amazing legacy just as David left for Solomon. This is a beautiful picture of God's grace and a great gift of encouragement to my soul.
This was my experience this past Sunday. Let me give you the picture...
Matthew was away at the family camping trip at Ash Creek with his folks. Being the newlywed that I still am, I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. But something in me told me I needed to go to church that morning. At the time I just chalked it up to guilt for not being in church for a while. Yep, that's right... me, not being in church for a while. That's another story. But let's just say that I was bitter and frustrated with God, people, and most of all myself.
I was contemplating all this on the way to church. I came to a fuller realization of my own depravity... all the mistakes that I have made in my life... relationally, financially. How easily distracted I am when I pray. How I haven't been serving in the church in years. And as I was contemplating and praying, I got distracted by something and my mind rabbit-trailed. I said out loud in the car... "I think I must just be going crazy." And the Lord spoke to me in the midst of my depravity and insanity... "Your body and mind will fail, but I know your heart. Your heart is after me. I know you, and you know me. I will never fail you. I am bigger than all your mistakes and I am able to know your heart."
Now, I know all about grace. I've taught and preached on the subject. It keeps me going every day and inspires me to go overseas. Yet in all my years of knowing God and living in the church, I have never truly experienced forgiveness because I have never been able to fully embrace, accept, or even see my true depravity. As Jesus said "he who is forgiven much, loves much."
As I walked up the steps to the church, I felt burned. Each step was long and painful as I climbed up to the doors of the church. My soul was truly weary and I felt the weight of my sin and shame in a way I have never experienced before.
Not two minutes from the time I sat down in the sanctuary, the worship team began to sing about the Cross. I was overwhelmed. I began to sob uncontrollably. His grace washed over me. As I was sobbing, my body shaking, my spirit was transported to the throne room through a vision. Still shaking, I was collapsed at the feet of Jesus. There He was smiling, glorious on His throne... holding my son. He was older than the last vision I had of him... the one where Jesus said "I've got them, don't worry." Probably around a year old. (which is about right as he would be about 18 months if he had lived) my son reached out to me and Jesus handed him to me. Back at the Stirring, more overwhelmed by the grace of this moment. Despite my sin, my mistakes, my humanity, God's grace is sufficient. God's faithfulness to his promises exceeds my depravity.
Then the words came. Encouraging words. Directing words. Words of life. They came and they poured out and I journaled as fast as I could trying to capture each moment. But words are not enough... never enough for these moments. The words didn't stop until the end of the service when I left the building, and even then the transformation continued into the next day as I continued to contemplate the experience. Monday was a day of joy and freedom as the pressures of life were removed and the full realization of God's sovereignty and grace came to me.
The words: Moses, Joshua, David. This will be a long post, but bear with me... it will be worth it!
Sunday was an invitation into a new season of seeking God. Since I couldn't stay at the door of the temple (like Joshua), I've been avoiding it altogether, but it is time to come again and visit intentionally. The distractions are done, obligations finished, now it's time to return to the tabernacle and sit in God's presence.
I felt like Moses - I may be too old to enter the promised land, but I will see Indonesia turn to God before I die. Like David, it will be my son who builds the temple. I can prepare him and prepare everything he will need and train him. It is God's timing, God's plan.
The reminder: "There are things you can only hear from God in the secret place... Your life for God will never be greater than your secret life with God."
As EM Bounds said "God's man is made in the [prayer] closet. His most profound conviction is born out of the secret place."
The picture God gave to me was a larger picture. A picture of a legacy that I can leave to my children. If we prepare now for the next generation to lead revival, we can leave an amazing legacy just as David left for Solomon. This is a beautiful picture of God's grace and a great gift of encouragement to my soul.
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