It's time I admit it: I'm sad. I've been ignoring it, denying it for weeks, but it's time to move past denial and embrace the grieving process so I can move onto the rejoicing.
I love my little girl. I waited and prayed for her for a long time. But I lost a lot so I could have her.
I lost my friends, my family, my church so I could move to a town with better doctors. I even cut my hair so my focus could be entirely on her. My body is completely worn out from lack of sleep. I quit my business so I could spend all my time with her. I miss my friends, I miss my mom, I miss my jewelry. I miss my husband. Everything has changed since my baby girl came into our lives...
So, I'm a little sad. And I'm a bit overwhelmed. Having a sick baby is the most helpless feeling in the world. She demands all my attention, all my energy. Every bit of who I am is focused on her right now.
But it's just a phase. A season. She won't be sick forever. She will eventually learn breastfeeding is better than bottles. And soon I will get to have a few hours alone with my husband again... And it is all so worth it...
Those little toes and fingers... Those big blue eyes... The way she smiles as she drifts off to sleep...
The pain, the loss, the sacrifice is great, but the joy in those moments is greater than the sadness.
This is motherhood. This is my life. And I wouldn't trade it for the world...
