Let Hope Rise

It's been a difficult week... well, couple of weeks. The days just blur together lately. Last week we got a phone call from Matthew's dad saying he had some sad news. Matthew's aunt passed away suddenly. She suffered from a lot of the same illnesses I do so this news hit me very hard. She was a fighter and so full of life and joy that it was contagious to everyone around her and even she couldn't beat this so can I?

This has been the question rolling around in the back of my head this week. My head that is almost always hurting from a migraine or causing me trouble from anxiety or lack of concentration or overwhelming sadness and despair. Today is another one of those days... days that I just want to throw the covers back over my head and pray that the day will end soon. Another migraine and an overwhelming sadness that I feel in my joints.

I know in my heart that God desires healing in my life and that through Him I am more than a conqueror, but on days like today I just don't have the strength to keep fighting. I just have to whisper through the pain "Jesus, you know. ... you know all the pain in my heart and the weakness of my body. Only you know what my heart needs and how my body can be healed. Only you know how to bring life to these old bones. Your will be done."

So today, when you ask me how I am doing, and I tell you I am just here... just trying to get through this day, you know it is just one of those days and you can pray with me... pray for God to break through the fog ... to break through the pain and bring a peace and rest to my soul and body that will allow a deep and persistent healing.

I'm just tired... tired of dealing with doctors and insurance companies and debt collectors. Tired of explaining the same list of symptoms over and over again. Tired of having my last spark of hope crushed on the rocks like shattering glass. Tired of saying "yes, my head hurts today". Tired of being sad. Tired of trying to be happy. Tired of trying to make it all work out. Tired of asking for help. Tired of wondering what a day without pain would be like. Tired of being tired. Tired of being so anxious that I can't call my friends when I need to talk. Tired of being too overwhelmed to go to church. Tired of making excuses for not calling my sister in laws because I don't want to hear their children in the background. Tired of watching my husband work through his own exhaustion to provide for us and take care of me. Tired of asking for healing and feeling worse the next day. Tired of trying. Tired of fighting. Tired of living without life.

I am so ready for a change. Ready for healing. Ready for hope. Ready for life. Ready for joy. Ready for peace. Ready for friendships and smiles and sunny days. Ready for living without fear or worry or pain. Ready to be with family and enjoy being around people again.

Today I started to read a new book. "Extraordinary Faith" by Sheila Walsh. This amazing author and songwriter also struggled with some of my illnesses. She talks about faith being more about God than about us. "the song of faith is one that tells all that is true within the context of the greatness of God." She brings me to the great songwriter, David, and the familiar psalms are like a healing balm to my wounded soul. "My soul is in anguish, How long, O Lord, How long? Turn O lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love... I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.... away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer." (Psalm 6:3-9)

Sheila also reminds us that God "is always good, but His goodness manifests itself in many different ways."

On Sunday morning as I struggled to bring God praise, the words kept turning over and over in my heart "He is still good." I remembered his faithfulness to me over the years, and the stories of His faithfulness over the centuries and out of the depths of my broken, wounded soul, I praised Him because of His goodness and faithfulness. And His faithfulness again displayed itself through his gift of this song by Hillsong called "With Everything" (click on the title of this post to hear it). The lyrics say "Let hope rise and darkness tremble in your holy light that every eye would see Jesus our God: great and mighty to be praised." Amen.

How easy it is for me to forget that the battle I fight every day is not a physical one, though it manifests itself there. No. This battle is from the evil one and though he may distract me for a moment, I will keep fighting this fight with the strength of the Lord who lives in me. And I cling to the truth with my mustard seed faith that where there is light, there can be no darkness at all. "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27)

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23)

How do I fight this fight? Through praise. Through trust. In His strength. The song continues:
"With everything, with everything, we will shout for Your glory! With everything, with everything, we will shout forth Your praise!"

"Let hope rise and darkness tremble in Your holy light. That every eye would see Jesus our God great and mighty to be praised!"

So, dear friend, who has sat with me in the pit as Job's friends sat with him; will you stand with me now and praise our Father in Heaven? Will you hold up my arms when they are too weak to hold up any longer? Let us praise Him together!

in sickness and in health

This valentines day I wanted to post a special blog as a tribute to my awesome husband.

The past four years have been the hardest in my life and I can honestly say that I couldn't have survived them without him. Few couples in their first five years of marriage experience the meaning of the words they promise on their wedding day "in sickness and in health til death do us part"... but the past few years we have been through it! Sickness, death, loss, life, joy, hope, disappointment, success, failure... Through it all Matthew has been there. Faithfully. Without complaint. Right by my side. Supporting me. Serving me. Loving me as Christ loved His church.

Five years ago I would have never dreamed I could ever be loved like I am today. I could not imagine my life where it is right now. The adventures. The opportunities. The joys and the trials. All shared with the love of my life. Five years ago I had given up hope that I would ever find "the one"... I thought that I was unloveable. unworthy. too broken to be cared for by a man... and certainly not by a man like Matthew. But here we are. Living proof of God's grace and mercy in our broken lives. And as our fourth year of marriage approaches, I look back and say "Thanks, God" and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.


Thank you Matthew. For being there. For loving me. For lifting up my head when the rest of the world is pulling it down. For never giving up on me especially when I want to give up on myself. For confronting my insecurities with love and faithfulness. For providing for my every need and not ignoring my desires. For taking the time to notice the little things that matter to me. For being strong in my weakness. For being you in a world of conformity. For pressing through your own pain and exhaustion to care for me in my weakness. To selflessly love me and to demonstrate concretely the unconditional love of God in my life. You are my joy, my purpose for living, my reason to get up in the morning. My sunshine on a rainy day. My strength. My friend. My lover.

May our love grow stronger as we grow ever older.

Happy Valentines Day!

unexpected joy

Dear friends,

I write to you from our last day at COP in Florida. We will be leaving at 4:00 tomorrow morning to head back home to cold and rainy Northern California where we will try to put into action some of the steps we need to take before going to the mission field. Yes, that's right... we survived our orientation program and are now "candidates in process." We have been affirmed in our call to overseas missions, but they could not appoint us as missionaries or members yet because of some of the things that we need to take care of first: like our health.

This has been a wonderful week for us where we have been faced with some hard questions. One of which is this: if I am this unhealthy in the States, how am I going to survive on the mission field? The results of our psychological evaluations revealed to us that my physical symptoms were just a manifestation of my emotional state. We are learning that it will take a lot of work to help me recover, but it is possible for me to be a healthy normal functioning human being again. We knew there were some issues, we just hadn't realized how bad we had let things get. But there is great hope! We now have a connection at the Mayo Clinic with someone who is experienced with these types of issues and has had great success! Please be praying for us as we undergo multiple tests and travel across the country to visit with doctors and begin treatment.

This journey has led us to the decision that it is time to move on to better things. Matthew is looking for a better paying job and we are looking for a new living situation more conducive to my emotional and physical healing. I will continue working my nanny position until that time that we can find something better and I am going to continue working my Premier business while we save money for our survey trip.

Once we have been able to stabilize our health and financial situation a little more, we will become "appointees" and at that time will be able to start planning our long awaited vision trip (or survey trip, as Pioneers calls it). This will be a 2 week to 3 month trip where we will visit teams in Indonesia who have invited us to look into joining their work. After we have determined what team we want to work with long term, we will return to the states to complete our pre-field training which includes a year internship with our local church to learn more about church planting and missions. Matthew also needs to complete some Bible classes as part of our pre-field training, but we have 5 years to complete this requirement after our appointment date.

We have been appointed a pre-field coach who will help us through this process, which should take 1-3 years before we can go to the field long term. Many of the staff in Orlando were previous missionaries in Indonesia and I was very encouraged to hear their stories and they were just as excited to hear how God had been calling us towards the country that they had poured years of their lives into. We are so blessed to know so many who have gone before to lay the ground work. We will be able to go and reap the harvest that many have died to sow.

Thank you for partnering with us through your consistent prayers and encouragement this week as we have sought God's heart for our lives and dreamed with Him for Indonesia. We have received wise counsel, and are looking forward to the journey ahead.

a thankful heart prepares the way

Wow. I can't believe we are really here at Pioneers' Candidate Orientation Program in Orlando, Florida! The past month has been a whirlwind of activity, but by God's grace and the generosity of our friends and family, we made it here!

Thanks to Matthew's saved up vacation time and amazing parents purchasing incredibly over-priced plane tickets, we were able to spend the past few days visiting with Matthew's brother and sister in law in Georgia while trying to adjust to Eastern Standard Time... I think the Indonesia time adjustment was easier! (but I was younger then and it wasn't right after a crazy new years' party!) We had a wonderful time visiting with them and seeing our nephew and niece. We were so blessed by their love and generosity and are so thankful to be a part of such a wonderful family!

Our flight to Florida from Georgia was... interesting... Because people were trying to fly ahead of a huge snow and ice storm that was coming into Georgia later this evening, the flight was overbooked and of course it was our seats that got bumped... There was supposably only one other flight to Orlando today and that would get us in to Orlando half an hour after the program started! One person volunteered to change their flight, so we decided that I should go on ahead so at least one of us could be there in time for the program. I went ahead to Atlanta leaving Matthew to try and get on one of the other connecting flights via standby. When I got to Atlanta, my plane to Orlando was delayed and Matthew was able to get on the standby flights so we actually arrived in Orlando at the same time, more than an hour before the program started! But since Matthew got bumped from his original flight, the airline gave him a compensation check! So God had a plan all along: 1) to teach me to TRUST HIM and not too worry so much and 2) to give us a little more money to cover our travel expenses for this week! He is so good!

So, our first night in Florida... we have already met some amazing missionaries and hopefully life-long friends and co-laborers! There is another couple in the program that have an interest in Indonesia, and we hope to connect more with them as the week progresses.

Our first interview is tomorrow afternoon, so we hope we can get enough rest this evening to wake up refreshed and clear-headed. The decision making team meets on Wednesday to prayerfully decide whether or not to offer us appointment as missionaries with Pioneers. So, if you feel a strong call to pray on Wednesday, that is why!

We are so excited to talk with other missionaries and to hear of all that God is doing around the world through His Church! I have been so blessed by the heart of Pioneers and their servant leadership! If you haven't checked out their website and read through their core values, I HIGHLY recommend it. You can find a link to their website on the left under the PARTNERS section.

Thank you dear friends for your prayers, encouragement, and financial gifts.

I will continue to update you as time allows, but please be patient, as our week is very full and my stamina has been very limited. Please pray for strength for both of us as our over-worked immune systems are adjusting to the new surroundings and our lack of sleep catches up with us.

How to Support the Parsons

We have been officially accepted to attend the Candidate Orientation Program with Pioneers in January! That means we need to raise about $1600 in about 16 days and we need your help!

If just 100 of our friends donate $16 each we will reach our goal. If we don't reach this goal in the next 16 days, though, we will have to wait until April to go to the Orientation Program.

Thank you so much for your support.

The easiest way to give is by clicking the donate button to the left under our picture. This will take you to a secure site where you can donate through a PayPal account or credit card. You can always contact us via email if you have any questions or want to support another way.

We are also trying to sell our Dodge Caliber to raise money for this trip, so if you or a friend are looking for a used vehicle, send us a not right away!

We need prayer for physical strength as we complete last minute paperwork and assignments and finish up our regular work before we go. Pray for quality rest when we have little in quantity and understanding between each other as nerves are frayed with the last minute planning.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. We are so blessed by your friendship and are looking forward to sharing with you in these next few weeks as we see what God does!

Merry Christmas.

~ Matthew and Erica Parsons

A Hope for the Waiting

Last Sunday our friend and one of the pastors of our ever growing church family spoke a moving message to begin this advent season about the meaning of Christmas. It was an awesome message and a perfect reminder of why we celebrate this season. He talked about how so often we miss the big picture of Christmas because we skip to the story in Luke of Jesus' birth. We miss out on the whole story that begins in Genesis... a story of brokenness, a promise of restoration, and a waiting and a hope.

There is a season in our lives called "Waiting." In this season we wrestle with who we are and why we are on the earth. We may be suffering from the loss of a loved one, or loneliness, or illness, or uncertainty. We are waiting for God to come through and rescue us from our brokenness in whatever form it has taken.

Christmas is a season to remember that it's okay to wait and we are not alone. Christmas is the time when we remember that we have a Great Hope because we trust in a God who is Faithful and keeps His promises. And we have the opportunity to share the true meaning of Christmas: that Christ came to bring light into the darkness. This Christmas we have a new hope. A hope and a reminder that God does keep His promises. He is faithful.

Seven years ago I found myself on a boat in Indonesia crying my heart out to God in prayer. I had fallen in love with a people and a nation and I didn't want to leave because for the first time in my life I felt at home and I saw a great need for a people to know the Love and Grace of Jesus. Through my tears, I heard His gentle, strong voice speak a promise to my heart: you will return to Indonesia and you will not be alone. I returned the next year with an amazing group of people and again I felt a peace knowing that I would return to this place that I called home and the people that I had come to love as my family.

Now, five years after that last trip, my husband and I are pursuing a relationship with a missions organization to see if we are cut out for long term missionary service in Indonesia. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness, His perfect timing, and the lessons we have learned in the Waiting. He has strengthened us, matured us, prepared us and now we are being sent out... just as He promised.

There is still some preparation left. We are not leaving for Indonesia tomorrow, but we have taken a large leap in that direction and we feel that at last the timing is right for us to go.

The organization that we have chosen (or maybe chose us?) has a simple but effective process for their candidates. First, we must complete the formal application including obtaining 6 general references and a pastoral reference for each of us and a psychological examination to determine if we really are crazy enough to be missionaries. :)

Then we will fly to Florida for a week long orientation where we will decide if this is the right organization for us and if we are the right couple for the organization. During that week, they will also provide us with invaluable training and support as well as show us all of the projects they are involved with around the world to help us focus our vision. Our goal is to attend this orientation week in January.

From there, we will contact the teams we feel God may be leading us to serve with and find a time that is most convenient for us to come and work with them. Then we will work hard to save money and raise support to go on what is known as a "survey trip." This will be about a three month trip where we will be able to get a better picture of what day to day life in Indonesia is like and if we are compatible with the existing teams. Then the team leaders will work with us to decide if we are the right family to join their team long term. Then we would return to the States to settle any affairs and raise more support before going long term to the region that we have seen God lead us to.

We would love your comments, encouragement, prayers and support as we press on towards these goals. There are many ways that you can partner with us in this stage of the journey and we would love to talk with you about those opportunities and visit with you about how we can partner together to accomplish the Great Commission.

Some of our more urgent prayer requests are :

financial: to pay for the trip to Florida

health: energy for both of us and clarity/diagnosis/better treatment for our issues

spiritual: that we would be on the same page and connected to each other and God despite the busyness of this next month of preparation and holidays.

physical: as the end of the year approaches, many things are up in the air like where we are going to live and work come January especially without knowing our time-frame after the orientation, storage or sale of "stuff" (vehicle(s), furniture, pictures and keepsakes, etc)

Your Love is Enough

How many times have I heard or said that phrase "Your Love, oh God is enough for me" ? This morning once again I received the same message but felt it move deeper into my heart.

My dear friend Tristen and I were talking last week during Life Group about the dreams that God gives us. The question came up : is it wrong to strive after the dreams God has given us? My immediate response was NO! How could it be wrong for us to follow and chase after the passions and dreams that God has put in our hearts? Of course, there is a time when we chase dreams instead of the Dream Giver and we have to re-orient our selves and our priorities. But I reassured my dear friend that it was good to go after those desires that God has given us. Of course I would say that... isn't that what this whole blog is about? Following the Dream?

But today God spoke in the overwhelming gentleness that is His Spirit and whispered into my heart "The only thing that matters is My Love. My love is enough to light up the darkness. It is all you have ever needed."

In this song, Brandon Heath sings about the Love of God:
"You're the hope in the morning, You're the light when the night is falling...You're the eyes to the blind man, You're the feet to the lame man walking... The only thing that matters is Your love."

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." 1 Corinthians 13:1

I can strive forever to follow after the dreams God has given me. Or I can trust in His Love and Faithfulness and trust His promises. See, going to Indonesia and leaving a legacy is not just a dream or a passion, it is a Promise. So I don't have to strive for it, just trust in God's promise and His timing and wait and go when He says go.

Now I hear him say "Now is the time, it's time to go." Am I ready? Do I trust Him to do what He has promised? Do I step out in faith and say yes, I will go, even when I cannot see the path ahead?